Lovely people of the internets, I have officially moved! This past Saturday I bid a bittersweet farewell to my beloved Bushwick, and I and my books made our way to the also lovely, but as of yet largely unexplored, Crown Heights. This whole process has been discombobulating and stressful in a zillion ways (bless your heart, New York, but you do not make it easy for people to move around you), but there was one entertaining spot amid all the cardboard and tape.
A side effect of packing all your belongings up in boxes and bins and bags is that you realize a. just how much shit you own, and b. how many random things are included in that huge mass of possessions you call your life. Especially in New York, where we have to condense and cram to make everything fit, we have a tendency to forget the things we tucked away in a drawer or under a bed because we swore we couldn’t do without them. Here are some of the most random things I discovered I owned this past month, much to my amusement, chagrin, and complete befuddlement.
[Writer’s Note: Pardon the stock images. Unpacking is a lengthy process, and somebody hasn’t had time to take her own pictures this week.]
A Giant Bottle of Bubbles: Where did this come from? And why have I not been using it to turn my apartment into Munchkinland on the reg? Your guess is as good as mine.
A Pasta Measurer: I know this item was a freebie when I got my rice cooker, but my real question here is why such an object exists in the first place. Does anyone use these things? Bueller?
Cowboy Boots: Purchased in high school for a cowboy-themed dance, worn to Scout’s tailgate party my first fall in New York, saved for a rainy day.
A Book of Ways to Tie a Scarf: A gift from Scout that promptly got lost in the back of one of my bookcases (because, yes, I have several). My fall just got so much more chic.
A Faux Fur Panda Hood: This, along with numerous other bits and bobs from Halloweens gone by, has only increased my desire to come up with theme parties. New goal: a fête for every item.
The World’s Largest Box of Brownie Mix: How this has managed to last a year in my apartment untapped is a mystery to me, but I can assure you all that its days are numbered. Warm chocolatey goodness here I come.
Drambuie: There were a lot of random liquor bottles in my pantry, but of all the liquor bottles on all the shelves, this is the only one that gave me flashbacks to my high school’s production of Cinderella. #TeamAwkwardBonnetsForLife
Espresso Salt: Because I’m super fancy, y’all. Or, rather, because one of my apartment’s previous inhabitants has a penchant for drunken gourmet shopping, and left some of her bounty behind when she moved to Manhattan like the Gramercy Girl she is.
A Shot Glass Collection: When I studied abroad, I made a habit of buying a shot glass in each new city I visited. “What a fun souvenir these will make,” I thought, “bedecking my future abodes and providing a constant reminder of all the places I’ve been.” And then, years later, I put them in the back of a cabinet and forgot they existed, because shots are so 2012 and now we do classy things with shakers instead.
Fish Sauce: This is the most distressing of my moving discoveries. Not only did I not realize I owned this condiment, which has since taken a spot in my Top 10 Least Favorite Things to Put on Food (though still a long way from usurping Culinary Enemy Number One, Ketchup). But I also did not realize that the cap on this nefarious condiment was loose, allowing it to spill all over my Penguin Children’s Division tote bag and filling my clean, new apartment with its stench. Now if only I could find my matches, I could stop feeling like my nostrils are being haunted by the ghosts of some very vengeful fish.
And now back to the unpacking, to make this new blank slate into something resembling a home, and to tuck away the randomness until the next time I move (hopefully not any time soon) — treasures buried by present me for some future Zelda.